The Decision

Well, the verdict of my oncologist, as of 11:00 last night, is that we will wait a month, and rescan to see if this is growing or if it is scar tissue.  Don't know yet if I'll have the lumbar thing-a-ma-jig (rather not say that other painful word!) this month or when I go back for the rescan.  Let's just not think about that today.  How's that sound? Sounds good to me!

Jeff and Owen are out in the woods trying to bring down the big buck.  I don't think you could pay me enough to go sit in the shady woods in these temps.  Not now anyway.  I don't have any insulation, and I'd freeze to death! Going to make a run to town in a bit.  Thank heavens for my seat warmers in my van.  1st time I've ever had those.  What a GREAT invention! 

Have a wonderful weekend!  Enjoy life!  Every day is a blessing.

Love,
Leslie

Still Waiting

The Doctors agreed that it seems reasonable to wait a month and see if what was spotted on the MRI stays the same size or grows.  I'm a bit concerned with that tactic.  What if it mushrooms?!  They still haven't decided completely.  A large group of them agreed that I should have the gamma knife surgery and a lovely little procedure called a "lumbar puncture" to check for cancer cells in my spinal fluid.  Lord have mercy!  All I want to be thinking about is pumpkin pies, and turkey and dressing.  Must I really have to hear the words "lumbar puncture"?  Great day in the mornin'! 

I'm all for a "lumbar puncture" (when it means an epidural) when I'm delivering a baby, but this sounds painful.  *Deep Breath* I'll try not to worry about it until the time is here.  Then I'm going to try to convince Ted Lennard to go down there and do the procedure.  Hahahaha!  Just kidding...but he is the doctor to have if a needle is to be stuck into your spine!  Speaking from experience! (Ted is our good friend of many years, and an elder in our church, as well as an excellent physician.)

So, to set my mind on other things, I have posted one of my all time favorite songs and my all time favorite comedian.  Hope you enjoy!

Thanks for the continued prayers. They are felt.


Blessings,

Leslie

Need to be Reassured?

Need a Good Laugh?

What's One More Day?

My Dr. emailed me this evening to say he was mistaken, and that the neurosurgeons convene tomorrow to review my scans.  He will email me when he hears their decision on where to go from here.

Patience.  I need an infusion!

Thanks for praying!

Leslie

The Results are in...

...and they are inconclusive.  My MRI yesterday came back showing a new lesion on my brain.  HOWEVER, the original lesions continue to decrease in size, and my blood work shows the cancer antigens continue to decline. They are still way in the normal range. 

Dr. Booser said he finds it hard to believe that a new lesion would grow if the others were shrinking, and he is wondering if it is simply an MRI glitch.  SO...tomorrow a panel of neurosurgeons will review my scan, and give their opinions as to whether or not it's new cancer.  If so, we'll be back discussing the stereo tactic (gamma knife) surgery.

Suddenly, I feel very weary!  We are on our way home, and will have to email the good Doctor tomorrow en route to find out the decision of the neurosurgeons. 

I would appreciate your prayers for myself, Drs. Rhines, Chang, and Booser as well as the rest of the panel for wisdom to make the right decision. 

Pray, also, that I gain some weight back.  One of the many side effects of the medication I'm taking is that is causes a "loss of appetite". Translation...I have lost a bunch of weight, and need to pack it on before I freeze!

I love you all.  Thanks for the kind comments...even if they are backhanded like my brother Jim's!  Love you Jim!

Rest well,

Leslie

I Trust

Just getting ready to call it a night. I have just returned to the hotel room after my MRI today. I am reflecting on words I have recently read in Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity. She challenged readers to trust God. Not the "I trust you God to heal me", or "I trust you God to do what I think is best in this situation.", but simply "I trust YOU, God. Period. I trust you."

And so, tonight, as I rest my tired head on my hotel pillow, I will say those words. "I trust you, God. Regardless of the results, regardless of the way I feel, I will trust you." It's a bit harder than it seems. Saying it and meaning it versus feeling it are two very different things. See, I'd rather pray, "God, I trust you for the complete and total healing that You are already performing in my body," and I do. But do I trust Him whatever may come?

I'd like to say yes. That is the work He is perfecting in me through this round of cancer. An unwavering trust that He is taking the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the trash, and the treasure that comes my way and He is weaving it all together for my good to complete the purpose he has for my life.

David Jeremiah explained in one of his teachings that we aren't meant to understand everything that comes our way in life. We are not guaranteed a clear view of the "whole picture" while we linger here on earth. Sometimes we don't FEEL like God has our best interest at heart, and that He has somehow caused or allowed hard times to come our way. Dr. Jeremiah reminded us, though, that "we KNOW God works ALL things together for our good to those who are called according to His purpose." That is a solid promise. He then encouraged us to quit relying on our feelings. His statement, which I've quoted on Facebook already is this: "Until you feel what you should feel, know what you know."

And what do I know? That God is working, right now, everything together for my good. So whether I feel like He has my health under control is irrelevant. I can sleep-peacefully-because I know he is weaving all of this "stuff" in my life together into something beautiful that will bring glory to Him.  I can face tomorrow, and all the days after that, saying "God, I trust you. Period."

One of my favorite songs right now is  "Let the Waters Rise" by a group called "Mikeschair". I have no idea why they chose such a name, but that is neither here nor there. As with many issues I encounter, no one asked my opinion! Here are the words, as best as I can remember them:

Don't know where to begin

'feel like my world's caving in

And I try but I can't control my fears.

Lord, where do I go from here?

Sometimes it's so hard to pray

When You feel so far away

But I am willing to go where You want me to.
God I trust you.

There's a raging sea right in front of me

Wants to pull me in,

Drag me to my knees,

So let the waters rise, if You want them to,

I will follow you.

Lord, I'll swim in the deep

'cause You'll be next to me.

You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea.

You're never out of reach.

God, You know where I've been

You were there with me then

You were faithful before,

You'll be faithful again,

I'm holding Your hand.

There's a raging sea right in front of me

Wants to pull me in,

Drag me to my knees,

So let the waters rise, if You want them to,

I will follow you.

I hope you have a wonderful week.  Thank you for your continued prayers.  They are heard.

Blessings to you and yours,

Leslie

Plan B

My MRI and Dr. appointment have been rescheduled for the 9th and 10th in Houston.  So...after a weekend of burning up I-44, I'll head south and burn up I-45!  Good thing I like to travel!

Thank you for your continued prayers.  Really hoping for some good scans.

Enjoy your weekend!

Blessings,
Leslie

Change of Plans

Jeff's granny passed away yesterday in the early evening.  I have postponed my trip to TX until later.  Waiting to hear from the Dr. as to when he's got an opening.  I'll write when I know more.

Funeral arrangements:

Visitation 6-8 Thursday, Nov.4.
Funeral 2pm Friday, Nov. 5
Null and Sons Funeral Home
Rolla