Okay...I know it's supposed to be "My Utmost for His Highest", but utmost was replaced with hilarity on the way to church this morning. Keep in mind that we are terribly out of practice at attending church together due to our continuing change of locations. We've become "those people" who only attend on what my brother-in-law refers to as "Amateur Sundays"...Christmas, Easter, and Mother's Day! However, we are not comfortable with this current arrangement (the hit and miss attendance), so with concentrated determination, we set forth to attend Sunday services this morning.
Well, right off the bat, we realized that there was no way we could make it to Sunday School, so we set our sights on "Big Church". The boys loaded up, followed by Jeff, and anchored by me (it is "anchored" you know...like a relay team!). Then, two realized they didn't bring their Bibles. No problem...I'll grab them for you. Not knowing which one the 4 yr. old wanted...Toddler or Preschool version, I grabbed both and ran for the truck. That began quite a discussion in the back seat...who needed the toddler bible anymore. After a few "Just drop it!" commands from the front seat, the boys moved on to other topics, like breakfast!
Running late, we had skipped breakfast and headed out the door. Realizing all to quickly that the hunger pains would not be ignored, we pulled in to the local Cody's gas station for a nutritious bite to eat on the way to church. Would you believe that Jeff came out of the store with two boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnut holes and 4 little bottles of milk? Of course...what else would you get at a gas station? After divvying up the pastries and milk, we set off for church, only 5 minutes behind schedule...easily made up, right? Wrong!
In a flash of what can only be attributed to "chemo brain", I decide to refill a cup of milk through the enlarged straw hole (I think it was a slushee lid from Cody's) just as Jeff topped a hill between our house and Wilson's Creek. Gravity combined with poor judgement resulted in a lap full of ice cold whole milk. I arched my back and stood on my tip toes as Jeff found the nearest place to pull over. Any napkins anywhere? No...all consumed already by sticky fingered children. Aha! Two anti-viral kleenexes...that should really sop up the mess!
I dabbed, I patted, but to no avail. Mustering all the self-control I had left, I announced, "Well, I can't go to church like THIS!", to which my usually compassionate husband answered, "Oh, I think you CAN." I knew then we were heading to church...no matter what!
So, as I continued to dab, squirm, and pat myself dry, while simultaneously positioning myself in line of the air conditioner vents, Jeff turned on the praise music! Thanks a lot, babe. He was laughing, I was trying not to (it WAS funny!), the kids were giggling b/c mom looked like she'd wet her pants, and Isaac was singing "I could sing of your love forever...I could sing of your love forever...."
Then...the sugar from the Krispy Kreme breakfast hit the bloodstreams of every person under the age of 9 at almost the exact same time. The boys were wrestling, laughing, accidentally whacking their heads on the window, and singing praise music, or their rendition thereof.
When our revved up children, their milk-soaked momma, and their calm, cool, and collected daddy walked through the front doors of church, we were quite a sight to see. Thankfully, Isaac announced to the 3 remaining greeters in the foyer, "Look at my new Bible! I got it for my birthday!". Hoping to get on down the hallway before my soaked denim was noticed, I praised him for bringing his Bible (and myself, for grabbing two Bibles for him, which resulted in him actually carrying one!).
As we entered the sanctuary, we joined the congregation in singing "These are the days of Elijah", and I had to wonder if Elijah had ever worshipped with milk soaked britches and sugared up kids! As we listened to Bro. Stan preach on Elijah calling fire down from heaven, I began to wish I'd called down a little heat myself to dry up the milk that was now soaking my chair cushion! Just as Stan neared the culmination of his sermon, Isaac whispered in my ear (thankfully, as he had not whispered at any other point during the service) "Momma...I gotta go!" Of course he did! So we quietly walked all the way to the back of the sanctuary (since the "second row, piano side" were the only seats left by the time we got there), and I finished up the visit to church in the bathroom with my 4 year old, answering deep theological questions like, "Why do we flush with our foot?", and "Why do we use soap?"
Jeff more than made up for laughing at me, though, when he took all the boys for the afternoon (they rested in the living room), and let me enjoy a long nap...in dry clothes!
Thank you Lord for families. Thank you for a husband with a good sense of humor. Thank you for a church home where folks are glad to see you...wet or dry! Thank you for rest. AND...thank you for the good sense NOT to try to fill a cup through the straw hole ever again! There's got to be a sermon in that, somewhere!
Well, right off the bat, we realized that there was no way we could make it to Sunday School, so we set our sights on "Big Church". The boys loaded up, followed by Jeff, and anchored by me (it is "anchored" you know...like a relay team!). Then, two realized they didn't bring their Bibles. No problem...I'll grab them for you. Not knowing which one the 4 yr. old wanted...Toddler or Preschool version, I grabbed both and ran for the truck. That began quite a discussion in the back seat...who needed the toddler bible anymore. After a few "Just drop it!" commands from the front seat, the boys moved on to other topics, like breakfast!
Running late, we had skipped breakfast and headed out the door. Realizing all to quickly that the hunger pains would not be ignored, we pulled in to the local Cody's gas station for a nutritious bite to eat on the way to church. Would you believe that Jeff came out of the store with two boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnut holes and 4 little bottles of milk? Of course...what else would you get at a gas station? After divvying up the pastries and milk, we set off for church, only 5 minutes behind schedule...easily made up, right? Wrong!
In a flash of what can only be attributed to "chemo brain", I decide to refill a cup of milk through the enlarged straw hole (I think it was a slushee lid from Cody's) just as Jeff topped a hill between our house and Wilson's Creek. Gravity combined with poor judgement resulted in a lap full of ice cold whole milk. I arched my back and stood on my tip toes as Jeff found the nearest place to pull over. Any napkins anywhere? No...all consumed already by sticky fingered children. Aha! Two anti-viral kleenexes...that should really sop up the mess!
I dabbed, I patted, but to no avail. Mustering all the self-control I had left, I announced, "Well, I can't go to church like THIS!", to which my usually compassionate husband answered, "Oh, I think you CAN." I knew then we were heading to church...no matter what!
So, as I continued to dab, squirm, and pat myself dry, while simultaneously positioning myself in line of the air conditioner vents, Jeff turned on the praise music! Thanks a lot, babe. He was laughing, I was trying not to (it WAS funny!), the kids were giggling b/c mom looked like she'd wet her pants, and Isaac was singing "I could sing of your love forever...I could sing of your love forever...."
Then...the sugar from the Krispy Kreme breakfast hit the bloodstreams of every person under the age of 9 at almost the exact same time. The boys were wrestling, laughing, accidentally whacking their heads on the window, and singing praise music, or their rendition thereof.
When our revved up children, their milk-soaked momma, and their calm, cool, and collected daddy walked through the front doors of church, we were quite a sight to see. Thankfully, Isaac announced to the 3 remaining greeters in the foyer, "Look at my new Bible! I got it for my birthday!". Hoping to get on down the hallway before my soaked denim was noticed, I praised him for bringing his Bible (and myself, for grabbing two Bibles for him, which resulted in him actually carrying one!).
As we entered the sanctuary, we joined the congregation in singing "These are the days of Elijah", and I had to wonder if Elijah had ever worshipped with milk soaked britches and sugared up kids! As we listened to Bro. Stan preach on Elijah calling fire down from heaven, I began to wish I'd called down a little heat myself to dry up the milk that was now soaking my chair cushion! Just as Stan neared the culmination of his sermon, Isaac whispered in my ear (thankfully, as he had not whispered at any other point during the service) "Momma...I gotta go!" Of course he did! So we quietly walked all the way to the back of the sanctuary (since the "second row, piano side" were the only seats left by the time we got there), and I finished up the visit to church in the bathroom with my 4 year old, answering deep theological questions like, "Why do we flush with our foot?", and "Why do we use soap?"
Jeff more than made up for laughing at me, though, when he took all the boys for the afternoon (they rested in the living room), and let me enjoy a long nap...in dry clothes!
Thank you Lord for families. Thank you for a husband with a good sense of humor. Thank you for a church home where folks are glad to see you...wet or dry! Thank you for rest. AND...thank you for the good sense NOT to try to fill a cup through the straw hole ever again! There's got to be a sermon in that, somewhere!
4 comments:
I loved this post! You make me laugh :0)
Oh Leslie - I was laughing out loud. "Oh yes you CAN!" And you're right - they were just glad to see you - wet pants or not.
You crack me up! Thanks for the chat today. Love you
It was SO great to see you on Sunday and get to visit. I didn't even notice you had milk-soaked pants. Love you!
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